That First Step

I've noticed that sometimes I'm so intent on being faithful that I'm afraid to take that first step; afraid it might be the wrong step.  And so instead of stepping out in faith, I become paralyzed in fear and do nothing.  

I found myself in this familiar place of paralyzed fear and indecision in my recent journey from unemployment.  My plan was to pastor a church.  I sacrificed a lot to attend and graduate from seminary with a Master of Divinity and be ordained in the Presbyterian USA church.  God called me as a pastor and a pastor I was going to be.  When it was clear those doors closed - (more due to my decision that for now at least I needed to be here; in the Puget Sound area; home) - my limited vision told me that meant I wouldn't be a pastor anymore.  My call was over.  Time to find a "job."

I had a couple of interviews for "jobs."  Jobs I could do but jobs I wouldn't like.  I was a pastor, I told myself.  No, remember.  God ended that call.  Then I interviewed for a job with an Ecumenical social justice non-profit.  A job working organizing congregations around affordable housing for homeless families.   A job description that was my job.  A job I was passionate about.  A job I would love.   A job with a very low salary.  Too low.

It was the only job I was offered.  I knew I would love that job, I didn't know how I could live on the salary.  I didn't know what to do.  "It's your job!" people who knew me said.  "What do you want to do?" others asked.

I took the job.  I was scared to death.  I didn't know how I would be able to live; find a place to rent on such a small budget.  I couldn't see how it could work out.  But I needed a job.  I needed to work.  I took the first step.  I accepted the job.

A few days later, I got the phone call from Brooklyn.  My belongings were going to come from Casper.  God was answering a prayer that I had given up on.  An amazing miracle!  The next day, scholarship money was found so that I could do hospice CPE - another answered prayer because on my small salary I couldn't afford to pay for it.  I discovered benefits at the new job I didn't know I would have - like dental insurance after 9 years of not being able to go to the dentist.  God was answering prayer after prayer after prayer and all I did was take the first step.

I remembered then that that's all He asks of us.  We don't have to know where we are going and how it's all going to work out.  We don't need to understand or have all the answers.  We only have to take that first step and trust Him for the rest.  He is with us.  He knows what we need.   And He's there to catch us when we fall.

Hebrews 11:8  "By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."