Gratitude

June 9, 2013

  Praise the LORD! Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.  2 Who can list the glorious miracles of the LORD? Who can ever praise him enough? Psalm 106:1-2 (NLT)

I'm learning that there is a special kind of gratitude after you've been emptied of everything that you thought you were and everything that you thought you had.  I'm guessing that God already knew that and it was part of His plan that I should learn it, but then I'm getting ahead of myself.

Four things have always helped define me; given me purpose and meaning.  First is my faith; my relationship with Jesus Christ.    Second are my daughters and my role as their mother. Third is my home;  a shelter from the world; my safe haven.  And fourth, my work.  Most recently, my work - being a pastor, was not only my "job" but also "who" I was. Being a pastor was my identity.  I was a pastor.  

The past five months I have been jobless and homeless - half of the things that had always defined me were missing in my life.  50%.  And my definition as a pastor was in question, so I wasn't even sure who I was.  I was seriously disoriented, lost in a deep darkness; humbled into complete submission before God.  I had no control over my life or what my future might look like.  The only thing left was to trust God.

I just finished week 3 of a job that God clearly had in mind for me.  No, it's not pastoring a church.  It's working with congregations to develop affordable housing and organizing the faith community to advocate for changes in policies around housing and poverty.  God has found a place for me to use my passions to help the church be the church and bring transformation to our community.  Wow!  I'm so grateful.

I'm preaching periodically - filling the pulpit at different churches.   I love to preach and God is finding ways for that to happen.  I'm so grateful. 

July 10, I start hospice CPE.  Pastoral care is a third passion of mine and to journey with people at the end stage of their life is such a privilege.  I'm so grateful.

You see, I thought there was only one way to be a pastor but God is showing me another way.  Imagine!  God had a way that I never thought of where I can do the 3 things that I love best.  My box was small.  God doesn't have a box.  I guess that's why He's God and I'm not.  

Thanks to God's creativity and some amazing friends, my belongings are in storage in Tacoma and not Casper.  I'm still in complete awe over that one!   If God could figure that out I know He can work out housing.  I'm so confident I've even stopped trying to figure it out (mostly.  After all, I am still Debbie!).  My prayer is to have housing in August. Everything is coming together.   I am so grateful.

The last five months has been agonizingly difficult and yet I wouldn't trade it.  I'm a different person.  I've learned a lot about myself, about God, about my relationship with God, and about what it's like to be completely empty and then to be blessed beyond measure.  I know what's important and what's not.  I know what I really value and what's just stuff in my life. And I hope I know, just a little bit better, how to let go and trust God.  He really does know what's best.

Thank you Lord for gratitude.  It sure feels good.