Rev. Debbie Cato
Job 2:11-13/2
Timothy 4:9-18
Fairfield Community Church
June 25, 2023
God of long winters and longer summers, in the words of Paul, do your best to come to us quickly. Come to us with loud praise and joy, or appear to us in a still, small voice. Come to us through friends, or come to us through strangers. Come to us in this text and in this hour of worship, and come to us quickly if you can. We are seeking you. We are always seeking you. With grateful hearts cracked open by love, we pray. Amen.
What Do You Need?
This is
week three of our series “I’ve been meaning to ask…” We started with “Where are you from?” and we
discovered that although we are all from different places geographically and we
are different in the things we believe, the things we enjoy, our personalities
are unique, and the way we look is unique, we have something very important in
common. We all come from God. God created us each from the dust and God breathed
His own breath into us that began our life.
Think about that. Think of how
sacred that makes each of us. We each
came from God. We are each a beloved
child of God. We all came from the same
place.
Then last week we asked, “Where do you hurt?” We recognized and admitted that we have each suffered pain. Physical pain, emotional pain, and mental pain. None of us are exempt from pain and suffering in our lives. For authentic relationships, we need to be able to share our pain with others and we need to be comfortable hearing about the pain of others. We need to be able to acknowledge it. Respect it. Not solve it. Not give advice. But listen and acknowledge.
Today we
are asking the question “What do you need?”
What do you need? We
all have needs and we need each other. I’ve certainly learned that this
year. We each have unique needs; we
can’t assume to know what is best for others.
Sometimes the trauma is so great that it’s
hard to even know what we need.
In Job, we have a person who has suffered extreme trauma—the trauma of losing his livelihood – 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, and 500 donkeys - his present and future wellbeing are very much in question. Job has also seen all of his children – 7 sons and 3 daughters - die a sudden, unexpected death. Job has suffered physical pain and discomfort. He is covered in sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head. Pain that must have seeped deep into his bones. Everything about Job’s life is gone. This is very real trauma.[1]
In the midst of Job’s afflictions, three of his friends promptly leave their own homes and come to him. They tear their garments, weep loudly, and sit with him for seven days, saying nothing. Their response is the ministry of presence, of true solidarity, of seeing his excruciating pain and joining him there.[2] In silence. Just being present.
Sometimes there is nothing to say. Nothing to do. But being there; being present, is powerful. It speaks volumes. It says I care, and I am here in the midst of your crisis with you. You are not alone.
Beaten and imprisoned, Paul writes to Timothy with a simple request: “Come quickly.” He lists those who abandoned him, but says, “I hope that God doesn’t hold it against them!” In his greatest moment of need, Paul doesn’t need revenge, but instead asks for companionship. In essence, this is what we all need—for someone to come quickly, to gather the items we want, and to simply show up.[3]
While Job asked for nothing, Paul is active. He has requests. He has needs and he is making them known. “What do you need?” This is such a direct and vulnerable thing to ask. It isn’t a limiting question like, “Would you like me to make you a casserole?” It is open-ended, and when we offer this question to another, we do not know how they will respond.
Paul is in his 2nd imprisonment in Rome. He responds with needs, wants, and a desire for justice. The list is long, both in things that Paul wants brought to him, and in wrongs he needs to name.
Paul offers us a moment of intense humility as he opens himself up to share what he needs. It’s hard to ask for help. It’s hard to say – “this is what I need.” The grievances, the stuff—all of it is important, and offering space for folks to respond openly and honestly about what they need is such a sacred act. We may eventually move to a place where we talk about what we can and cannot provide, but first we must trust the person to know what they need. We can respond to the needs they name with additions and deletions and clarifications, helping them really target the need that caused the specific request to arise. But, the first step is hearing—really hearing—what someone's needs are and discerning how we might respond.[4]
Asking the questions, “What do you need?” is risky. You don’t know what the response will be. The person may say “I don’t need anything.” And you need to be ready to accept that. You must respect their request. Even when you want to do something so badly. “Nothing” is a legitimate response. A request really. You can ask again later, after more time has passed. But do not continually pester. Give them space. Honor their needs. Remember, God is always with them.
The response may be, just be with me. You need to be ready to just be present. To just be there. In silence like Job’s friends. Let the hurting person lead. They’ll talk if they want conversation. They’ll eat if they want to eat. Your role is to just be present. To be there with them. To stay out of their way. This can be hard to do but it may be the most important thing you can do. The ministry of presence is sacred and more important to the person who is struggling than you can imagine.
Their response may be like Paul’s. A list of things they need. You may or may not be able to meet those needs. Be honest. Perhaps you know other people that could help; that could meet those needs. Maintain your own boundaries of what you can and cannot do and don’t feel guilty about it.
Once we understand that we all come from God. That we all are beloved children of God, it makes asking the questions, “where do you hurt” and “what do you need” more important. They are both risky questions because we don’t know what the answers will be. We need to be ready for whatever those answers might be. No judgement; no questions. They are what they are. We need to be ready to sit with them and to provide what they say they need or find someone who can. But being able to ask these questions, and have these questions asked of us, deepens our relationships. It makes us more authentic and real with one another. It gives us an opportunity to be Christ in the life of one another.
“What do you need?” May we each be in the position to ask this question and be there for someone. Amen.
